As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she pinky promised me she was 18
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
