ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
