Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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