An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
