If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
