The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
