woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
