Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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