My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Randomize
