Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize