and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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