I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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