It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
