on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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