I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
