My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
