Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
