God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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