I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
