ya dads aren't the best wingmen
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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