Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I cannot find my penis.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dignity is for republicans.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
