This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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