Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
