drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
