I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
