I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
