She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
