He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
