I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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