All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize