i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
