So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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