What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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