so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
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