so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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