I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
