Your dad touched me again.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
