My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
