Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I didn't notice because vodka
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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