She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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