I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
