This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
