Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
im six kinds of drunk right now
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
