I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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