You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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