Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
whose ass print is on the piano?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
