Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
