She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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