my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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