you have to choose: penises or morals?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The power of my boobs compel you
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
