i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
